David Militello sings his original "Blue Sky".

Reframing a Tantrum

Last week as I was working with one of my clients. I noticed he was very agitated for some reason. J. is non-verbal, 10 year old boy. (who happens to have an identical twin brother, who is also on the spectrum) Anyhow, J. was mostly calm, but midway through our session he started hitting his head with two closed fists. There were no apparent antecedants/causes to provoke such behavior in this particular incident.

As I tried to move his arms down from further harm, he bit my left lower arm. I was in a bit of shock, since he had never bit me before. Still, his mother came over to support and moved him down to the floor. According to her, J. has tantrums like this approximately 3x a day. I can tell she was very comfortable with moving him to a safe place. I also know that she appreciated that I gave her permission to come support me when her son has a tantrum. Without a doubt, parents know their children the best. She was able to position him very easily on the floor, clearly she has done this so many times. J. lied down with his back on the floor, with his legs wrapped around his mothers waist. I sat by J's head. Intuitively I felt J. was taking in too much energy and by hitting his head hard, it was relieving some of the tension. Of course, we don't want him to hurt himself, so we stopped him from doing so.

As I sat by his head, I took some breaths and put my hand on his head. I told him in a calm voice that he's okay and safe. At that moment I also prayed for him. (in silence). In the past, I might have tried to get him up sooner than he was ready to, but I trust my inner guidance, and felt this was the best approach for this circumstance. I could tell his mom appreciated it, since she seemed much more calm. At one point, we were actually laughing about the whole situation.

Within 20 minutes, J. was calm and was able to go back to work on his own. I'm glad I listened and acted on my intuitive guidance. In my opinion, all tantrums should not be treated alike. We should all act from our hearts rather than our minds. I believe we have all the answers within.

Life is not about being robots and doing the same thing all the time. Life is about connecting from one heart to another. This experience was a blessing for me. I hope you receive something from my experience. Would love your feedback. :)

Different, NOT less than!

I have always seen the brilliance and the gifts in Autism. To me, Autism is another way of "being." I believe we are all on the Spectrum of Life. When the word, Autism is broken down, we get "AUT=SELF, and ISM=Being. Putting them together gives us, "BEING IN THE SELF". In the greater sense of the word, the Self equates to the Higher Self.

I believe in the school of thought, that there is no right or wrong. Just different. This holds true for Autism as well.

Here is a typical scerio. Okay, so a child is tantrumming in the middle of the Grocery Store. Some people will pass him/her and the parent and judge the child as being naughty, inappropriate, spoiled, etc. Some will judge the parent as undisciplinary or a bad parent.
But, what if there are unseen factors? Sure, sometimes the behaviors are learned, however
there are extenuating circumstances for a child/adult with Autism. Their sensory system is
unfiltered, and they are more open to the input in their enviroment. eg) Most autistics can hear more than the average person, sometimes A LOT more. Overall, they can feel, see, taste, and hear more than most Neurotypical (NT) people can. Their sensory system is heightened Unlike, the average Joe, autistic people on the average, cannot filter the sensory information coming in. So...instead of focusing on one thing at a time, they are experiencing all of their senses simultaneously. I think you get the picture. So, let's go back to the grocery store for one moment. Typically there are alot of people in the store. (to an autistic person, that means, more energy) On top of that, lots of different noises, including people talking at the same time, flourescent lights blinking and humming, music in the backround, cash registers, babies, kids, different smells, different temperatures, etc etc etc. So, this child on the floor can be reacting to just about anything.

I find it interesting that society says all people should "be" the same way to be "normal or typical". Who really wants to be "normal" anyway? Acceptance, Compassion and Understanding, are now more important than it's ever been before. We would never expect a cat to act like a dog, or a girl to act like a boy. Why should we expect an autistic person to act like a neurotypical person? It's time to embrace diversity. Who's in?

One of my favorite quotes is by Dr. Wayne Dyer. He says, "When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change." So, for me, I see the gifts in Autism. I embrace their unconditional loving essense, their acceptance of all, their love for music and their uniqueness. They are mostly happy individuals. They are creative and innocent. I love watching them look at themselves in the mirror. They see their True Selves. It is critical that parents start seeing the gifts instead of the deficits. Typically the autistic children who are supported and accepted, accomplish more in their lives.

I offer you an invitation to look for the Gifts in your child/relative/student/friend on the Spectrum. More than likely, a whole other world will emerge!